Hold 'Em

I'm discovering the joys of playing cards.

It's led to long nights playing Spades in There from my computer in the eMotion Cafe. I have to say that I'm a little bit addicted to playing the cards, online. I don't think it's for the winnings, cause there's nothing monetary involved. It may be more for the opportunities to get to know those sitting at the table and the chit-chat that seems to make the world a little less lonely and a little more friendly - even if it is simply bits and bytes that are rendered by some silicone data processing engine onto a couple liquid crystal displays.

In the real world, my family has played cards at the holiday get-togethers my whole life. My Grandpa was the "Father" of all these games, always requesting for the family to sit together - and play together. I never really played much in those games of old, I just have fond childhood memories of watching all my Aunts and Uncles and Grandpa and Grandma playing over some big antique table in a tiny little bungalow in Northeast KC. It seemed that that table took up half that house when the lace tablecloth and vase / pitcher of plastic flowers was lifted to reveal the real table, beneath.

I was always the least likely to "throw in" with the family. It was a rite-of-passage for the Grandchildren - to be able to sit at the table with the adults and play. Grandpa didn't really like the Grandkids playing. Maybe for that reason, I never felt comfortable playing. I watched as my cousins played - but, to me, there was something disrespectful about that. Besides, the game always had a different feel when the "younger" generation of high-school grandkids sat at the table and tried talking trash. The old-schoolers just didn't seem to sit well with it.

It wasn't that I didn't want to be at the table, because in some ways, I wish I would have had those chances to spend more time with my Grandpa before he passed. But, as a teenager, you dont't really consider that in being considerate, sometimes you miss opportunities.

Or, perhaps, I refrained from playing after watching the arguments that ensued as a child over silly little colored chips, some funny looking pieces of paper, and an antiqued table. Looking back, I realize now that the arguments weren't really about the cards, they were about things that had nothing to do with the cards. It was safer arguing about the cards in their hands and on the table - about those little pieces of paper with pictures of pretend Queens and Kings - than it was to bring up the real issues between each other.

Perhaps, it was a little of both that kept me from playing my cards, until now.

I can understand now, why playing cards was a family ritual that was so important to my Grandpa. In cards, there were rules. It seems that people can play together nicely when they all play by the same set of rules. Sometimes, it takes a few hands to teach the rules to new people that come to the table, as it did with the boyfriends and spouses of Grandpa's Six Sons and Daughters. Sometimes, people played differently. But, in the end, they learned to play those games by the same rules - as a family.

They played funny games like: "Follow The Bitch", "In Between" , "Five Card Stud", "Seven Card Stud - 2 Down, Three Up, 2 Down", "No Peek", "Trips Are Better", "Knock Knock", and others. They each had their favorites. They took turns dealing and the dealer always chose the game and everyone played. Some liked the complex games. Some liked the simple games. Some liked the games that drew big pots. Some liked the games that were quick and not as costly. But, in the end, it was all for pennies and nickels and quarters and simply about how each player liked to play.

I remember a few things about my Grandpa when we played, like:

1. He never cut the cards. He always tapped the cards as they were passed to him - and accepted the way the cards were already stacked.

2. Every adult in the family had to sit at the table and play together. You could rotate spots (usually with your spouse), but everyone "had" to play if they were in the family. There was no "sitting out".

3. He didn't like playing cards with the Grandchildren. He didn't like taking that money. But, he did. Maybe it was because he knew that they chose to sit at the table and take those risks and it wasn't fair to not deliver the consequences associated with that risk. But, in the end, he just loved us enough to look past his own "feelings" about the issue. Regardless, the man survived the trenches of World War 2 in Europe, so I'm sure that any such "feelings" had a perspective that we probably lack, nowadays, about 'What's Really Important."

4. He hated to play "In-Between".

Nowadays, on Fridays, a group of guys get together from work and play Texas Hold-Em. I don't know if you really know a person until you've played cards with them.

You meet some great personalities that are sometimes kept bottled up as we move through life packaged in marketing campaigns and promotional opportunities that reduce us to products that are consumed.

You learn about the risks people take. You learn about what excites a person. You learn about how tied people are to things like money or anything else that falls into their lap, like simple little chips. You learn about how people handle losing - and sometimes, more importantly, how they handle winning.

I'm not sure that any of this has a point, and I'm fine with that, but it all just reminds me about the Things We Hold Onto in our lives and the Games We Play.

But, the best part of the whole thing is that with cards, the only people that sit down at the table are people that are willing to play the game. If you can't handle losing something, then you don't sit at the table. But in the same breath, the best players understand that you have to be responsible with the people that are sitting at the table that are willing to throw it all in and ride the cards to wherever they take them. In cards, there's a winner and a loser, and there's always a lesson.

Regardless, it seems to come down to the way we let things go and the way we hold 'em. In that, the cards seem to have all the answers and hold all the wisdom. We just have to play them to learn what they hold.

Memories Found

Best news of the week: I was digging for a recharger cord and found an old filing folder. I looked inside and found almost all of my old writings and poems and pictures from 1987 - 1995 or so. Good Day, needless to say. This followed a phone call I got last week from Iomega where they informed me that all of the writings I had put into the computer (many times I modified the originals into newer versions as I input them over the past 15 years) and saved to a 100mb iomega mac disk were... "unrecoverable". Dang. That sucks. But, at least I found some of the stuff and the paper originals. Unfortunately, there were many other photos and things that I don't have backups for. But, that's what I get for accidently reformatting a MAC zip disk into a PC zip disk drive.

But, here's a picture of me back in 1990 when I was a summer camp counselor at Camp Buckskin. There's a blog entry on my friend Starbuck (Lennart) down below, who was a camp counselor with me at the time. This was taken after we had like a talent show and a couple of us guy counselors covered ourselves in green clay from the lake and pretended we were teenage mutant ninja turtles for the kids. So, clearly, after the show, we had to go shower. In the middle of the northwoods, the "shower" was this bathhouse kinda concrete building with like 7 showers all around and we'd all have to go shower together. lol. Funny stuff.

Man, I need to do that Body For Life thing and get back to this kinda shape. Damn. I'd do me back then.

Please Be Gentle: My Jayhawks Lost

Wow. So my beloved Kansas Jayhawk Basketball Team has lost to Bucknell in the very first round of the NCAA Tournament. This is the first time they lost a first round game since 1978, before most of the folks that know how to use a computer and blogs were even born. 21 straight years of not losing a NCAA Tournament first-round game.

I am in an unofficial, self-imposed, and undefined period of grieving.

So, please be aware that I'm emotionally vulnerable now (as all men who are married to a sports team are at the end of a season of much hope and catastrophic disappointment). And don't mock me, women of the world, cause we each have Things That Make Us Sad. So, I'm a guy... I like Kansas Basketball...and I'm clearly clinging by an emotional fingernail as I'm feeling guilty for liking my team and defending myself to some unknown person... so you see how this has affected me...I'm clearly an emotional mess and in need of some cuddling or spooning of some kind.

I'll need at least 30 minutes to recover from this great disappointment. But, at my age, a 30 minute refractory period isn't that bad.

So, for the next few days, please be gentle. At least now, maybe I'll give more attention to my beloved Blog. As followers of the eMotion Cafe, both of you know that I've been neglecting her. So you see how it goes. Season Ends and I become emotionally available.

Then again, there goes my tournament bracket.

Damn.

Stress Management eMail

I received an email today from a co-worker that was sent to our internal team. Normally, I don't pimp out emails that I get that are touchy feely and such cause they almost always end up being a chain email. But, this one wasn't a chain email and I'd like to read it again later, so my Blog may be good place for it as I look back on things over time. And, perhaps, some random reader or a friend out there may enjoy it as well (and I'll save that person an email).

Here it is:

A lecturer, when explaining stress management to an audience, raised a glass of water and asked, "How heavy is this glass of water?" Answers called out ranged from 20g to 500g. The lecturer replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long you try to hold it."

"If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm. If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance. "In each case, it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes."

He continued, "And that's the way it is with stress management. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won't be able to carry on." "As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again. When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden."

"So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work down. Don't carry it home. You can pick it up tomorrow. Whatever burdens you're carrying now, let them down for a moment if you can." "Relax; pick them up later after you've rested. Life is short. Enjoy it!

And then he shared some ways of dealing with the burdens of life:

• Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.
• Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
• Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
• Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.
• If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
• If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
• It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
• Never buy a car you can't push.
• Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won't have a leg to stand on.
• Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
• Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.
• The second mouse gets the cheese.
• When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
• Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.
• You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.
• Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
• We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names, and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.
• A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

Have an awesome day and know that someone has thought about you today..........I did.

Ohio Snow

in the shadows
the others cling
to the mothering
trees

backlit by
some sunny orange blanket
sky

beneath heaven
and quilted clouds
passing
by

scattering
this way to that
flowing
here to there

we are

never more than grey
never knowing the way

we are

the last downy flakes
drifting
through the silence
after the storm
of a season

| Edmund Vazquez | Ohio Snow | © December 1995 |

My Ex-Blog

I was doing SO well with my beloved Blog.

It really was love at first sight. I had heard so much about her. And finally, I got up the nerve to go and meet her and things just clicked. I mean, in no time at all I'm totally opening up to her in ways that I had forgotten all about. And the more time I spent with her, the more I wanted to know about her. Giving my attention was so easy, it was natural. It was like she knew my every thought.

In a matter of days, I totally understood her. I knew how to push all her buttons and she didn't mind at all. It was like she accepted herself for who she was - and that's so rare. She was so special. She is special. I accept her for all her idiosyncracies. I mean, eating dinner with her was a treat. The conversation never faultered. The silences weren't uncomfortable in the least. She knew that I was just taking it all in and that I'd tell her more when the time was right. To be honest, I've showered her with attention.

So, after weeks of spending so many nights face to face with her, revealing my thoughts and secrets...after waking up so many mornings and running to her to see if she had something new for me in the early morning hours..I did it. I broke down. I professed my love for her.

The beginning of the end, indeed.

I had only meant to step away for a moment. Then, One Thing happened. Then Another. Then, I got distracted - so many calling out to me. I mean, when I stopped to think about it, I had neglected other Loves. They were jealous that I hadn't been around in a while - wondering where I had been spending my time. I didn't want them thinking that they weren't important, too. I am not totally insensitive as a man. I mean, I feel like I'm in touch with my feminine side. Sometimes, more than others. But in general, if I'm not playing cards or watching sports or on the computer or.. ok...well...if I'm shopping I'm totally in touch with my feminine side. I do like to shop. That's got to count for something, right? But, I digress. There I go again, straying...

Days later I realized I had left my poor blog all alone. I had abondoned her unintentionally. Those old, bad habits were reappearing.

I thought I had that licked, like a Tootsie Pop Lollipop. 432 licks to get to the center, by the way. And, it does take discipline not to bite right into the yummy chewy center.

Apparently, my soul still needs some self-actualization or evolution.

Apparently, I need to learn to respect my blog.

I thought my blog would just appreciate the time and attention I give her. I'm hoping she forgives me.

I'll do better next time.

I promise.

Oh yeah. Last thing. I should point out that these very facts were pointed out to me by an ex-girlfriend and longtime friend who tends to notice such things. She was quick to point out that I hadn't left ALL my old habits behind.

I was neglecting my blog.