Craziness Visits

“Whenever i spend too much Time Alone, I think I kind of lose it,” he said to her. Then, he continued, “It’s like… the Illusions fall away and I see things clearly. I start, like, thinking Things... like… ‘Why the fuck do I put up with That Person’ or
‘Why the fuck do I tolerate Their Shit.’ It’s like ‘Why put up with Them?’ when, in the End, you're alone, anyways?”

She sat silently, somewhat in awe, and continued to listen to him, her eyes falling to the floor and resting on a single slate tile in the eMotion Café.

He continued on, following his Thought, “I know. Craziness. I'm coming to terms with My Craziness. I even hugged her last night and told her I'm all good with her living in my house.”

Her eyes darted to his, and she remarked, “Who lives with you? I thought you said you lived by yourself in your lake home? Are you saying Craziness lives with you? Geez.”

And a smile burst upon both their faces. I mean, who says “Geez” anymore, anyways?

He replied to her, “Well, Craziness is her name. But, she just visits. Usually, when I’m alone, she’ll just appear out of nowhere. But, she did mention maybe moving in the last time we talked.”

“I’m speechless,” she interrupted.

And with a shrug of his shoulder and slight smirk, he fell again into Thought. But before he could fall too deeply, she questioned him, further, “Is Craziness at least cute?”

And before she had finished her sentence, he continued, “She tells me that She's the only thing that's real - and yes, She's very attractive. Craziness told me that She wants me to live with me. She says I'm the only One for her. She says that Those other women are Selfish and would only hurt me in the end and just want to use me to get the Things in Life They Need to fill their voids: Babies, Weddings, Shopping Trips and Vacations. When I’m with her, Craziness promises me that She has no need for any of Those Things and that She only wants to be part of my Thoughts and Dreams. She always reminds me that I have Everything I Need except for Someone Who Will Never Leave. She says that She can give me That – and that She will Give Willingly and Joyfully, expecting Nothing in return. In her world, I’m Her one and only Forever Man.”

After a little thoughtful Consideration and a bit of an awkward Silence, she replied, “Ok, but wouldn’t all those Nut-Job girls that you meet also be there? I don’t see how you could ever live alone with Craziness. I think she’d bring her Friends over a lot. I don’t think Things would end well with more of those Psycho Girls that are out there hanging around your house. I think you need to steer clear of Craziness.”

“Oooh. Good point,” he said. Then, he fired back, “But, I think Craziness makes a good case, too, at times. She makes sense, sometimes, in a way that I think only She and I would understand. No, see, that's the Beauty of Craziness: in Her World, it's just me and her - and she's totally faithful to me. You'd almost have to take medication to make her go away. Craziness would never leave, otherwise. I think that's why I gave her a bedroom and some closet space – because that’s easier than taking medication. But, I digress… Oh, and she won't betray you, either. You see, Craziness can only be with one person. She says ‘Everyone has their own Craziness. So, I’m no good to anyone else but you.’ She says that she’ll never be any good to any one else and that she'll understand me, forever. And, ‘Forever is a mighty long time,’ as Prince said in a song about her awhile back. So, are you scared yet? I knew I shouldn't have told you about Craziness visiting.”

She smiled, gently, at him and replied, “No, I’m just digesting and trying to understand where you are coming from.”

And then, his phone rang. “Excuse me, for a moment?” he asked, as he stood up to step away from their table.

And she smiled at him again as she told him, “No, absolutely, go ahead and get that.”

And her eyes fell back to that one stone tile in the eMotion Café as she waited for him to return to the table and finish his green tea they were sharing.

His return startled her in its suddenness, and he was shorter this time, “Ok, I’ve got to go. That was Craziness. She said that I should stop talking to you because you'll try and talk me out of letting her back into my life.”

“Hey, now, wait,” she urged. Then, after a thoughtful pause, she continued, “Isn’t it your choice if you decide to live with Craziness or stop talking to her? Even though I agree we all may be alone in the end, to me it is worth the energy to put towards people in the interim.”

“Craziness said that you might say that,” He replied. Then he continued, “But, she told me to ask you this: ‘Why do you only call me when you’re between boyfriends or when you’re lonely or after some other guy has broken your heart? Why is it that I am here for you, but you weren’t here for me?’ Craziness tells me that if you can answer that question, she won’t visit me any longer.”

She sat in silence, thinking, for a very long time.

Out of compassion, he interrupted her thought, “Look, don’t put too much thought into it. If you don’t know, you don’t know. And if you think too much about it, you’ll end up finding your own Craziness. And, it’d be best if you didn’t meet Him. I met Craziness after someone once asked me the same question. You see, I clearly think too much about Those Things. It’s what Craziness likes best about me, she says.”

Finally, she broke her silence and responded, “So, how about coming over tonight and watching a movie?

“What movie?” He asked.

“Any movie you want,” She replied. “And, you can stay as long as you want.”

And with that, they stood up, held hands, and walked out of the eMotion Café – neither Alone, neither worrying about Those Things, and both avoiding their own Craziness for just a little longer.

Chocolate Chip Cookies and Llamas

"But, Daddy," she sobbed. "my finger REALLY hurts."

"Come here, Baby Girl, and let me look at it, again," he asked, as gently as he reached out to hold her hand. Then, after examining her fingers just a bit more, he kissed her fingers softly and asked her if she could wiggle them.

"Daddy, I don't know if I can move them," she sobbed some more, between a few sniffles and gasps for air. Tears still streamed down her face.

"So, Baby Girl, I should probably tell you a story about when I slammed my own fingers in the door, just like you just did," He started. "When I was little, about your age, I was getting in the car and slammed my finger in the car door accidently - kinda like you just did - except I slammed my fingers in a car door and you slammed yours in our house front door. Anyways..."

The tears hadn't slowed at all, so he reached out and held her hurt hand and continued, gently rubbing her hand all the while.

"Did it hurt like this hurts Daddy, cause it realllly hurts," and her little chest heaved as she gulped for a breath between sobs.

"Well, it did hurt like that... maybe a little less, Baby Girl, but then some older lady walked by our car in the Kmart parking lot, saw me crying, and came up to me and my Mom and said the weirdest thing to me. And you know what, it worked. My fingers stopped hurting."

"What was it Daddy? What did that Old Lady Stranger say to you?"

"Well, Baby Girl, this woman came up to me and said 'Your fingers will stop hurting if you think about Chocolate Chip Cookies and Llamas.'

A Smile tried to creep onto her little face and finally, a Giggle slipped past her Sobs.

"Llamas? I dont' like Llamas, Daddy. Teacher says that they aren't very good pets and that they'll spit at you. But, I just think they're kinda ugly. I can't see how anyone would want a Llama as a pet. I would totally get a puppy dog before I got a Llama. I want a little puppy dog like what Paris has. She has the cutest dogs that you can put in your purse and carry with you wherever you go. I have a purse that would be perfect for a little puppy. Daddy, can we get a puppy. Pleeeeease? Maybe for Christmas?"

"How's your finger feel, Baby Girl?" he asked, hoping to avoid the Puppy For Christmas discussion just this one day.

"Oh, it's fine, Daddy. But, I'm hungry. Can we go get a Chocolate Chip cookie?" she asked, wiping the last of the tears from her cheeks.

"Sure, Baby Girl," He answered, "I'll see what we can find. But, we need to put our seat belts on, now, and get going, first. Okay?"

"Okay, Daddy," she smiled, scooting up in her seat, smiling, and then turning to look out the window... "Chocolate Chip Cookies and Llamas - that's just Silly, Daddy."

"It is, Baby, It is." he answered, as they pulled away from the house - all fingers intact, and Smiles on each of their faces.

Finding Yourself

"I'm not who you think I am," She said.

"That's ok," He replied, "I've always found that no one is really who they think they are and they're never who I think they are."

"That would explain a lot," She said, "like why I'm spending $1200 on a spiritual retreat in the mountains to find myself next month."

"Do you like the mountains?" He asked.

"I don't know.. I've never been," She replied.

After dismissing a visiting smirk, he put on a serious face and added: "Hey, when you get back, you gotta let me know how you find yourself in a place you've never been. Cool?"

"Cool," She giggled.

And for that moment, they stopped trying to find themselves and found a little bit of Understanding with each other.

TV Love

"Do you think most people really understand what Love is?" She asked.

"Probably not," He said, "I think most people think Love is what they see on TV - which is really just a dramatic re-enactment of Love highlights where you never really see the ending. To me, it's kinda like teaching basketball from SportsCenter highlights - you never really learn the game, but you get to see the 30 seconds of exciting stuff that happened during the game. The way I see it, people who really know what Love is don't get out a lot and write scripts because they're too busy being with the ones they love".

"You've got a point," She said, "I never really thought of how much alone time would have to go into a movie about Love, but that totally explains most of the LifeTime TV network."

Relation Ships

"I'm not so good with Relation Ships," He said. Then, he looked around a bit and after his eyes settled back to his 102 degree hot coffee, he continued, "I mean I start out in the right direction, but most of my Relation Ships sink rather quickly after leaving the shore."

His friend put down his paper and spoke, "Shit, man, as least you got to take your shirt off and get some sun and maybe even get wet. That's the way I see it." And then his friend went back to reading the Sports page.

Then, a whisper came from behind him. Apparently, She had overheard his drowning and threw him this:

"Before I get on board to - or begin to build - any Relation Ship, I ask myself the Four Relation Ship Questions:

1. Am I attracted to them?
2. Can I be Good Friends with this person (do I enjoy their company and respect their views)?
3. Am I Good with being with them if they don't change a single thing about themselves, as they are Right Now?
4. Are they Good To Me?

If I can say "Yes" four times, then I know I'm in for some smooth sailing, usually - Not that there aren't unexpected cloudy days and a few thunderstorms here and there - but those are more to keep things exciting and have yet to sink any Relation Ship I've been on. Then again, I couldn't tell you who won the Chiefs game, last night - so take it for what its worth."

"Thank you," was all he could think to say.

She smiled at him and turned away and slipped back into her book.

His friend put down the paper, again, and said, rather loudly, "Dayuuum, she's hot. Did you get her number?"

"I'm not so sure that she's your type, dude" He replied, thinking of the fourth Question she was bound to ask herself, should she ever meet his friend.

And for the next thirty minutes, he thought of every girl he'd dated in the past year and how and why it ended.

And That kept him so busy that he forgot to ask who won the Chiefs game.

Truths and Lies

"I'm not sure what to say. I have all these Thoughts and Feelings and I'm not sure what's Real and What's Not," She said.

After a long pause, he looked at her and spoke: "Always speak The Truth. Only accept the Truth. Those are my only rules when I'm trying to figure out what to say..." He paused and picked up the hot, green tea, breathed in its goodness, and watched a knowing look slip across her face.

Then, when he was sure She understood, he continued, "...even though most of the time I'll realize, later, that most Truths were just Lies and that most Lies were Truths. In time, I think we all realize that The Truth is simply defined by where you're standing when you see It."

"Then why speak only The Truth or accept only the Truth?" She asked, in sudden disbelief.

"Because it is Your Truth that you will let people know Where You Stand." He replied.

Then, he stood up and moved to sit in the seat on the other side of her.

As He settled into his new chair, he noted the puzzled look on her face again and said "I was sitting next to you telling you the Truth and now I'm not. Am I telling you the Truth or a Lie?"

She sighed and simply said, "Sometimes you're Impossible to talk to. How's that green tea?"

And then, they talked of Simpler Things - all Truths and all Lies, nonetheless.