Easter

He asked me if I was Sorry for my Sins. I held back my tears as best as I could, but a few were silently slipping past my reach. Tears were clearly drawn to this man. He was magnetic. I could feel them lining up to run from where I held them. With each second that I sat before Him, more and more of them waited at the windows of my Soul, knowing in moments they would be Free at last.  I struggled to find a way to simply nod my head in response, without releasing them all in one broken moment.

Then, I let go of my Pride and embraced Humility and spoke, "Yes," I said, "I am so very, very Sorry for the Pain I have caused the Ones I Love," I began, releasing the Guilt and Fears that I had carried with me for so very long.  I let them go to wherever Those Things go and allowed the tears to flow freely down my cheeks.  Then, I continued, "I am Sorry for Being Angry. I am so Sorry for not carrying more Forgiveness in my Heart. I'm so Very Sorry for losing my Way and not being Present for the Ones who Love me, most. I have said and done such Hurtful Things... I am Lost, Father..."

Suddenly, I no longer felt the Shame in being Sorry and Knowing that I could have Done Better. Suddenly, I was bathed in tears of Joy, Faith, and Hope.

We sat in Silence as he looked into my Heart with Kindness. I felt his Compassion surround me. I felt his Warmth wrapped around me. I felt his Acceptance embrace me.

Then, He raised his hand before me, made the sign of The Cross, and then told me that, In God's Eyes, all of my Sins had been forgiven.

"Just like that?" I asked childishly, "Don't I have to say a bunch of Prayers or Repent or Tell you Why I've Changed or Something?"

Again, he looked at me with those Forgiving Eyes that only a Father has for one of his children.

"I think you have Suffered, enough, my Son," He told me. And my Heart began to glow. The Coldness and Emptiness vanished from the darkest chambers of my Soul. "No One wants you to suffer any more than you already have. You bring no Light or Joy into this world when you suffer.  Suffering does not bring you closer to God or to the Ones who love you. In fact, Suffering keeps you from knowing the Love that surrounds you.  One day, when you look back on this Moment, you will see that it was Love that brought you back, Here, not Suffering."

It had been a long time since I had felt that I wasn't hurting Someone every time I tried to do the Right Thing and that I'd hurt Someone even more if I did the Wrong Thing.  I had lived for a very long time in that place of Fear and Guilt. I had lived most of my Life in a place of simply expecting to Disappoint someone, regardless of any Goodness in my Heart. As I felt his Forgiveness rain down upon me, I could feel Something Familiar beginning to grow, again, in my Heart.

In that Moment, in a Building that I had been to only once before, with a Man that I had never met or seen before, I had surrendered all my Guilt, Fears and Disappointments that I carried with me for so very long. It was in that Moment, it was in That Place within my Own Heart, that I finally discovered what I had been looking for: Peace.

As I left, He asked me what had brought me Here, today. I explained that it was Easter this coming Sunday and my Soul had been deeply troubled for a while, now, and that Easter was all about being Reborn and Starting from a Place of Love, again, and that I had hoped that I would find that very, very soon, too.  I told him that I had hoped I could help Others find that Place, also.

He smiled as if He'd found Something that had been lost for a very long time, and then spoke, "It's Good to have you Home, again, Son. Don't stay away so long, ok?"

"I have no interest in leaving This Place, Father. I promise. Happy Easter, Father," I told him.

As my footsteps danced and laughed behind me as I walked forever across the long marbled floors of that Holy Place, I could not help but feel the Love that surrounded me.  And I realized that I, too, would Rise again - with Love and Hope filling my Soul.