Kindness

As He drifted into an exhausted sleep, pulled under by the currents of Thoughts that flooded his Soul, he heard an Angel whisper in his right ear, "Do not Fear the Silence in your Soul. Do not Fear that Love has abandoned You. Do not Fear that your Heart is quiet. Your Soul is filled with Laughter, waiting to be heard. Love surrounds You and is embracing you, even now. Your Heart only pauses between its beats- it will Beat even Stronger in Time. You are not Alone, my child. We are Here with You, protecting You. Come with Us, from This Place..."

Holding those Words near his healing heart, he took one last Breath, prayed for a New Beginning, and allowed himself to be drowned in Kindness.

Appreciation

Appreciation came to visit me in the eMotion Cafe, today.

She only visits when things are Quiet. She's not much for the crowds, it seems. I asked her, once, why She only comes when we are nearly empty, thinking that perhaps She had a fear for crowds or people or germs or any of the Other Things that create Fear in people.  She simply replied, "Darlin, I'm getting older and I'm a petite girl and I don't talk very loudly, you see, and so I find that it's easier for people to hear me and see me when Things aren't so Crazy."

She was Right. She was slender and beautiful. It was impossible to tell how old she was - as Age seemed to only bring her Grace. Her long hair flowed over her shoulders and spilled into her black peacoat. Her blue eyes drew you into her whispered words that always brought me Peace - not matter what or which Chaos had entered the Cafe that day. She was simply Lovely. I can't imagine anyone missing her in a crowd, Ever, but She always claims that People just don't take the Time to see Her.  All I know is that when She enters the eMotion Cafe, the place overflows with warmth and seems filled.

"It's been awhile, hasn't it?" She asked as she greeted me with a smile that took my breath away.

"Yes... Yes.. it has." I could only find three words and most were hard to get out as my breath was usually absent in her presence - and one of the Words I had to use twice.

Sometimes, it's hard to breathe at Those Moments in Life when you are truly being Blessed.

"So, I'll have the usual," She said. She didn't even bother to tell me her drink order, anymore. She knew I knew.

"Coming right up," I told her with a slight sideways Grin, knowing and waiting for what was coming Next.

"So, Hope, what is it that you're Thankful for These Days?" She asked.

"Many, Many Things," I said, not waiting for her to pry. It had been a while since she had visited and I'm like a child when she visits. I just want to tell her Everything, but I know I have to choose my Words wisely because Words are powerful Things and have Meaning.

I continued, "I'm Thankful for the Love that I have been blessed with in this Life. There are Those who have had Faith in me when I've doubted myself. There are Those who have endured my Pain and Torture when I've been less of a Man than I should have been. There are Those who have Trusted in me and allowed me to grow.  There are Those that have Forgiven me for doing the Best I Could. But, mostly, there are Those that still believe me to be Hope."

"That's wonderful..." She whispered, "I cannot remember a visit with you where you have had So Much to be Thankful for.  You are beginning to See and Hear the Universe again, my Love. I must come visit you more often." She began to turn to walk towards the leather chairs to sit and drink her double espresso in peace, watching the Chaos outside so she might find a moment to slip out.

She smiled, then, with a force that nearly dropped me to my knees.  I feel helpless, Sometimes, in her Presence. It's like being Surrounded in Love and knowing that Everything Happens for a Reason and every other Cliche is real and honest and in your heart at that very same, exact Moment. I don't know that a woman has ever been able to disable me as much as Appreciation can.

"So, I learned a little Something, recently, " I told her.

I could see her grinning as she stopped and turned back towards me. 

"Yes..." She responded, "Do tell me that Something, Dear."

Again. I had to catch my breath. I'm not sure that that woman could say Anything that wouldn't jump into my Heart and then steal the air in my lungs and run from the building, laughing.  I took a few deep breaths and started...

"So, I have started to wake each morning and write down Something That I'm Thankful For. I keep a journal. I spend the first Moments of my day capturing the Gifts that God has brought me. Sometimes, it takes me a moment. Sometimes, it takes me an hour. But, Always, I put the pen down next to my bed and I start my day with the Blessings I have had in my heart. Sometimes, it is a very lonely activity, but I find Comfort in knowing that my Blessings have and will continue to surround me."

"That's so very wonderful..."  She whispered again. Only this time I could barely hear her.  I could only feel her Words brushing my cheeks as they passed.

Then, She looked far away as she looked into my Heart. She looked worried for a Moment.  Then, the corners of her mouth lifted and Grace settled back within her smile.

She began to whisper, again, "Soon, Love, Someone will find you. She will See the Blessings that surround you and know that they are for Her, too. She will fight for you. I know her, personally, and She has been waiting for you for a very Long Time. You should know, Hope, that She is lost, too, right now. But She will find you. And She, too, keeps a Journal of the Gifts in her Life. And your name is already written in her journal. Soon, She will tell you Every Day how much she is Thankful for you being in her Life. I am Sorry that Others have not been as Thankful. But, to be fair, Everyone forgets how Blessed they are, Sometimes. Even you, Hope, forget. Well... ok. Not Everyone forgets. But, Almost Everyone."

She smiled again and, again, my knees trembled. I had to reach down to the counter and hold the edge. I'm quite certain that had Appreciation moved any closer, I would have crumbled and fell into the next World.

"I must go, now..." She whispered.  "I look forward to talking with you, again, very soon, Dear. And, Darling, please don't forget to tell Others what you have learned. I would like to talk with each of Them, too."

And she breezed out the door, quietly, and left me to catch my breath, make myself an iced grande soy one pump white mocha, and sip on every word she had left with me in those Blessed Moments in the eMotion Cafe.

Easter

He asked me if I was Sorry for my Sins. I held back my tears as best as I could, but a few were silently slipping past my reach. Tears were clearly drawn to this man. He was magnetic. I could feel them lining up to run from where I held them. With each second that I sat before Him, more and more of them waited at the windows of my Soul, knowing in moments they would be Free at last.  I struggled to find a way to simply nod my head in response, without releasing them all in one broken moment.

Then, I let go of my Pride and embraced Humility and spoke, "Yes," I said, "I am so very, very Sorry for the Pain I have caused the Ones I Love," I began, releasing the Guilt and Fears that I had carried with me for so very long.  I let them go to wherever Those Things go and allowed the tears to flow freely down my cheeks.  Then, I continued, "I am Sorry for Being Angry. I am so Sorry for not carrying more Forgiveness in my Heart. I'm so Very Sorry for losing my Way and not being Present for the Ones who Love me, most. I have said and done such Hurtful Things... I am Lost, Father..."

Suddenly, I no longer felt the Shame in being Sorry and Knowing that I could have Done Better. Suddenly, I was bathed in tears of Joy, Faith, and Hope.

We sat in Silence as he looked into my Heart with Kindness. I felt his Compassion surround me. I felt his Warmth wrapped around me. I felt his Acceptance embrace me.

Then, He raised his hand before me, made the sign of The Cross, and then told me that, In God's Eyes, all of my Sins had been forgiven.

"Just like that?" I asked childishly, "Don't I have to say a bunch of Prayers or Repent or Tell you Why I've Changed or Something?"

Again, he looked at me with those Forgiving Eyes that only a Father has for one of his children.

"I think you have Suffered, enough, my Son," He told me. And my Heart began to glow. The Coldness and Emptiness vanished from the darkest chambers of my Soul. "No One wants you to suffer any more than you already have. You bring no Light or Joy into this world when you suffer.  Suffering does not bring you closer to God or to the Ones who love you. In fact, Suffering keeps you from knowing the Love that surrounds you.  One day, when you look back on this Moment, you will see that it was Love that brought you back, Here, not Suffering."

It had been a long time since I had felt that I wasn't hurting Someone every time I tried to do the Right Thing and that I'd hurt Someone even more if I did the Wrong Thing.  I had lived for a very long time in that place of Fear and Guilt. I had lived most of my Life in a place of simply expecting to Disappoint someone, regardless of any Goodness in my Heart. As I felt his Forgiveness rain down upon me, I could feel Something Familiar beginning to grow, again, in my Heart.

In that Moment, in a Building that I had been to only once before, with a Man that I had never met or seen before, I had surrendered all my Guilt, Fears and Disappointments that I carried with me for so very long. It was in that Moment, it was in That Place within my Own Heart, that I finally discovered what I had been looking for: Peace.

As I left, He asked me what had brought me Here, today. I explained that it was Easter this coming Sunday and my Soul had been deeply troubled for a while, now, and that Easter was all about being Reborn and Starting from a Place of Love, again, and that I had hoped that I would find that very, very soon, too.  I told him that I had hoped I could help Others find that Place, also.

He smiled as if He'd found Something that had been lost for a very long time, and then spoke, "It's Good to have you Home, again, Son. Don't stay away so long, ok?"

"I have no interest in leaving This Place, Father. I promise. Happy Easter, Father," I told him.

As my footsteps danced and laughed behind me as I walked forever across the long marbled floors of that Holy Place, I could not help but feel the Love that surrounded me.  And I realized that I, too, would Rise again - with Love and Hope filling my Soul.

Found Change

For a Very Long Time, Days have flown by. Weeks have screamed as they jumped off of the calendar. Years have disappeared with a passing Goodbye as they slipped out the front door.

The eMotion Cafe has been a madhouse of visitors from New York, Portland, Ft. Lauderdale, DC, Kansas City, and many other Places that you'd need Google Maps to find. They have all come to the eMotion Cafe and ordered their drinks. I have, happily, served their Addictions. We have shared stories while we waited for the Coffees, Lattes, Americanos, Mochas, Teas, Chais, Cappuccinos,  and Shots to be poured. We have talked of our Troubles, shared in our Sadness, heard each others' Hurt.  We have listened to stories of each others' Love. We have held each others' hands and hugged each other, as we have Healed.  

But, sometimes, Things slow down and the eMotion Cafe empties.  The visitors take pause to attend to the Rest of their Lives.

And, during these Blessed Breaks, I like to Clean House. Now, at first, it's a bit hard to slow down. I stand at the counter. I wait. I'm afraid to Get Started with Something because I'm used to just waiting for Someone to walk through that door and need my Time and Attention. But, every once in a while, there's a Lull at the eMotion Cafe - and in that Silence, there is an Opportunity to Catch up and Clean up.  At these times, I deftly dig out the Cleaning Supplies that get buried under the sinks and Get Started.

Consequently, over the past several Days and Weeks, I have been pulling out every piece of equipment, inspecting it, and cleaning it. I have dusted all the shelves that were once Too High to reach. I have wiped down the legs of the chairs and tables and bases that are Rarely Seen. I have cleaned all the cups and mugs that held so many of the Addictions I've served.

And each time I've touched Something in the eMotion Cafe, I can remember the last time I touched it and what I felt when I last touched it.

As I was finishing cleaning one particular Hard to Reach space, She came back into the eMotion Cafe. I hadn't seen talked to Her in weeks. It was good to See her and hear Her voice and know that She was Well - or as Well as Can Be.

What can I get you?" I asked. I began to start making her Usual: Green Tea.

"Oh, Nothing for me, today..." She began, "... Just a little glass of water, please.  I'm just stopping by. I can't stay long, this time. I've been Sick lately. Sorry I haven't been around much.  I would like a small glass of water, though.  I'm Thirsty"

If there's One Thing we understand in the eMotion Cafe, it's Thirst.

"Got it," I told her, excited to hear Another Voice besides the Voice in my Head - which is all I've had to hear the past few weeks as I've been cleaning up the eMotion Cafe.

"You sure you don't want your Usual," I continued, "No Green Tea for you?"

"No, no, I'm not sure if I can have That anymore.  People say the Caffeine may not be good for my Heart.  It makes my Heart race. It keeps me up at Night, too, sometimes.  I just can't do that anymore."

"I'm sorry to hear that," I replied, "I know it was your Favorite." I told her.

"I know. I loved it, too. We'll see," She said and then smiled a Sad smiled and looked away.

"What's That?" She asked? As she pointed to some loose Change I had piled up on the counter.

"Oh, That? That's just all the Change I've found over the past few weeks. I've found those coins and dollars all over the Place - under tables and couches, behind shelves, I even found a hundred dollar bill underneath the register the Other Day. Not sure how that got there."

"Wow, I didn't think you could find Change like That. Really? You found All That in just these past few weeks?" She asked, again.

"Seriously. True Story." I smiled and wondered why Things Like That are hard to believe, "I think I told you, last time you were here, that I had planned on doing some Cleaning. The Universe finally allowed me to Slow Down. I always keep my word. Sometimes, it just takes me longer than I want it to. But, you know that." and I smiled, knowing we had talked about that so many times before.  In fact, it was Something we both did: Move at our own pace with Things.  Then, I continued, "So, I've finally had some Time to clean up the eMotion Cafe.  That Change was there all along, Hiding and Waiting.  Sometimes, Change just needs to be Found.  You can't always see Change when you're too busy running around trying to serve Everyone Else's Addictions.  You know how it is."

She smiled and looked away, again.  Perhaps She believed.  Perhaps She didn't believe.  Perhaps She didn't care. Perhaps She was Somewhere Else.  Perhaps She just wasn't feeling Well, still. But, any way, She turned, exhausted and tired, from the counter and thanked me for the glass of Water.  And then She left.

I looked down at the growing pile of coins and bills on the Counter.

"That's a lot of Change,' I said to myself - still not quite sure what to do with it All.  

So, I simply picked up my Sponge, multi-purpose Lysol disinfectant spray, and a few paper towels and got started on cleaning a few other Hard to Reach places while there was still Time before the eMotion Cafe filled, again.  And I sang a Song to keep me company. And I cleaned. And I kept an eye out for more Found Change.