Relation Ships

"I'm not so good with Relation Ships," He said. Then, he looked around a bit and after his eyes settled back to his 102 degree hot coffee, he continued, "I mean I start out in the right direction, but most of my Relation Ships sink rather quickly after leaving the shore."

His friend put down his paper and spoke, "Shit, man, as least you got to take your shirt off and get some sun and maybe even get wet. That's the way I see it." And then his friend went back to reading the Sports page.

Then, a whisper came from behind him. Apparently, She had overheard his drowning and threw him this:

"Before I get on board to - or begin to build - any Relation Ship, I ask myself the Four Relation Ship Questions:

1. Am I attracted to them?
2. Can I be Good Friends with this person (do I enjoy their company and respect their views)?
3. Am I Good with being with them if they don't change a single thing about themselves, as they are Right Now?
4. Are they Good To Me?

If I can say "Yes" four times, then I know I'm in for some smooth sailing, usually - Not that there aren't unexpected cloudy days and a few thunderstorms here and there - but those are more to keep things exciting and have yet to sink any Relation Ship I've been on. Then again, I couldn't tell you who won the Chiefs game, last night - so take it for what its worth."

"Thank you," was all he could think to say.

She smiled at him and turned away and slipped back into her book.

His friend put down the paper, again, and said, rather loudly, "Dayuuum, she's hot. Did you get her number?"

"I'm not so sure that she's your type, dude" He replied, thinking of the fourth Question she was bound to ask herself, should she ever meet his friend.

And for the next thirty minutes, he thought of every girl he'd dated in the past year and how and why it ended.

And That kept him so busy that he forgot to ask who won the Chiefs game.

Truths and Lies

"I'm not sure what to say. I have all these Thoughts and Feelings and I'm not sure what's Real and What's Not," She said.

After a long pause, he looked at her and spoke: "Always speak The Truth. Only accept the Truth. Those are my only rules when I'm trying to figure out what to say..." He paused and picked up the hot, green tea, breathed in its goodness, and watched a knowing look slip across her face.

Then, when he was sure She understood, he continued, "...even though most of the time I'll realize, later, that most Truths were just Lies and that most Lies were Truths. In time, I think we all realize that The Truth is simply defined by where you're standing when you see It."

"Then why speak only The Truth or accept only the Truth?" She asked, in sudden disbelief.

"Because it is Your Truth that you will let people know Where You Stand." He replied.

Then, he stood up and moved to sit in the seat on the other side of her.

As He settled into his new chair, he noted the puzzled look on her face again and said "I was sitting next to you telling you the Truth and now I'm not. Am I telling you the Truth or a Lie?"

She sighed and simply said, "Sometimes you're Impossible to talk to. How's that green tea?"

And then, they talked of Simpler Things - all Truths and all Lies, nonetheless.

Egyptians

"Daddy, why do you travel so much?" She asked.

"Well, mostly for work, Baby Girl, but also because I'm trying to find Good Places to take you Some Day when you get Older. I'm thinking maybe New York City, Someday." He answered.

"But Daddy, I'm almost nine. I'm Old Enough to go, now. I want to go on a trip with you." She replied.

He pondered the idea for a moment and, considering it, said: "Well, what are you thinking? Where do you want to go?"

She leaned towards him excitedly and said: "Daddy, I've been watching the History channel and I realllly want to go see where the Egyptians lived. Where is that, Daddy?"

"Honey, I think the Egyptians lived in Egypt." He said with a smile.

Looking at each other, They burst into Laughter.

When they could breathe again, she asked Him "Daddy, can we at least go to New York?"

Grandma Lightner

On July 27th, 2007, She left this world and passed to the next.

But, before Grandma Lightner left, She taught Him:

• That the Best Turkey and Noodles He Ever Tasted is made with a picked-over, left-over Thanksgiving Turkey that Most People would throw away.
• That you can't stop stirring the Cream of Wheat (with real whole milk and lots of sugar) while it's cooking - if you want to Make it Right.
  
• That a back yard is never too small for a Ferris Wheel.
• That a real Easter Brunch involves lots of Strawberries Dipped in Dark Chocolate.
• That the high diving board really isn't that high.
• That a wood fireplace warms more than a room at Christmas time.
• That pit bulls are "just playing" when they bite your ankles.
• That some refrigerators have these fancy things called "ice makers" - but you can still fill the old ice trays with lemonade and make your own popsicles using some of Grandpa's toothpicks.
• That a tree swing is more fun than an Atari game.
• That poison ivy grows in the backyard. Lots of it. And it really itches for a really long time when you get it on you.
• That electric fences kinda hurt when you touch them.
• That everyone should travel overseas at least once in their life and bring those experiences home to share with others.
• That it's ok for Grandpa to have a stack of Playboys in the basement, "cause the articles really are good."
• That women today aren't nearly as glamorous and elegant as they were forty years ago.
• That it takes a really long time to mow a really big yard with a push lawnmower in the middle of a humid Kansas summer day - but, seeing Her smile at how nice that big, freshly-mowed yard looks, after, is a reward in itself.
• That it takes even longer to rake all the leaves in a really big yard - but in the end there's a really big Pile of Leaves to play in.
• That you never get too old for a good Grandma hug and kiss.
• That some people really don't need cable tv.
• That letting Someone else help you get up some stairs, get into a car, or even walk to the bathroom can make that Someone feel really good about themselves for a very long time.
• That at 90 it's still Important to get your hair "done" every Saturday.
• That it's OK to think that your Grandma is beautiful.

And most of all:

• That you don't have to be born into a Family to be part of a Family.

These are the Lessons That Grandma Taught Him.

These are the Things He Learned From Her that have made him a Better Person.

These are the Memories of Her that He will carry close to his heart for the rest of his Days.